August 27 was the day you left. I lost part of me that day and the pain still lingers deep within my soul. Sometimes it is so intense that it takes my breath away. I can't help but ask, "What did I do wrong? What did I do to deserve such pain?" The tears begin to flow. A torrent has been unleashed and I feel as if it is August 27 all over again. I feel the sense of shock, the sense of loss, the sense of helplessness. Life teaches many lessons; some easier than others to endure.
My mind wanders to days gone by; Days when life was good, days when you were with me. Your gift of love is the strongest memory I have of us together. The kind of unconditional love that gave me roots, a sense of strength that I have not felt since you left me. I will always cherish that love. For nothing on this earth can compare to the feeling of knowing someone will be there, even when I really mess up.
Laughter is another strong memory I have of when we were together. It was another wonderful gift you gave me. Your smile could bring me out of my deepest depression. Your silly jokes could always bring a smile to my face. You took the weight of the world off my shoulders by just being near me.
Your wisdom about life was another gift you gave me. You didn't always have the answers to my deep questions, but you always understood my concern. You had no advanced educational degree, so I have conveyed upon you a PhD in life. You could have taught the world so much and I am thankful that I was able to be one of your students.
Another gift you gave me was the opportunity to see that you were not perfect. Being human was one of your best qualities. It also made me ale to be more forgiving of myself when I make mistakes. It allowed me to understand that perfection was an impossible goal. The ability to learn from my mistakes and to laugh at myself while trying so hard to be perfect has sustained me through many hard times.
You knew me so well. One look into my eyes and you knew if I was happy or sad or worried. No one else has ever been able to read me like you could. No one but you has ever been able to see through this thick wall I put around me. Perhaps this wall was invisible to you, but knowing you could see through it made it so much easier to be honest about my feelings with you; no words had to be spoken, you just knew.
I feel it is time to get back to the present now. I can take comfort in knowing that the time we were together was long enough to leave permanent images in my mind of what is truly important in life. You have left feelings in my heart that not even being away from you can erase. You have left me with a sense of strength that will sustain me through the hard times.
Only one question lingers, did you have to leave so soon?
DEDICATION
These words are offered in the spirit of love and encouragement to those who are trying to deal with a devastating loss. They were written in honor of my mother who suddenly departed this earthly life on August 27, 1994. Having survived the tears, the pain and the sadness, I now can see the many eternal gifts she gave me. She now guides the angels.
a TOUCH OF LOVE page
